Losing My Best Friend

My best friend died by suicide sophomore year. Not only did I not know she was even battling depression, but I could barely even grasp the fact that I would no longer see her. I wish I had known the signs so that I could have asked the questions that would allow her to talk and me to listen. I was devastated when I found out, and I didn’t even know how to react. I’ll admit there were some very low points for me in the weeks and months following her death. I leaned on my friends and family, particularly my sister. I began to talk about her more openly, and realized that the more I reached out, the more positivity and support I received. I started running and becoming more active, maybe in part because I knew she liked being active, and in part to give myself time to reflect. I became more involved on campus and pushed myself into new groups and situations. Although I wish she was still here, I know I cannot change what happened. I wish I had talked to her that day, and at times I've felt guilty for not seeing her that day. But the more I talk about her and remember who she was, the more strength I gain. Even though she is gone, I sometimes see her in others. Oftentimes I see her in myself.